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In BDSM circles, aftercare is essential. However, anyone can gain from it.

Where? sexIs it over? Does your partner simply roll over and reach for their smartphone to zone in on the other side of you? You might find yourself lying awake looking for connection while they drift off. Perhaps they’re the kind of person who finishes, gathers their things and heads straight for the door. This may sound familiar? You might need some aftercare for your sex life.

The world of BDSMAftercare, or post-play ritual, is where partners share physical and emotional comfort after a sexual encounter. And it’s high time we make it a standard part of vanilla (i.e. non-kinky, conventional) sex, too.

Aftercare might involve offering your partner a snack or something to drink, cuddling with them, giving them a compliment, having a good conversation, watching a movie or tending to any minor injuries sustained during the BDSM “scene” (that is, the time in which two or more partners are participating in agreed-upon BDSM activities). You might also talk about what you each enjoyed — or didn’t — about the experience. You can choose what to include or not in your aftercare program depending on your personal preferences.

Both partners can relax and take a step back from their heady situations by this kind of caring. neurochemical highAvoid the BDSM scene. low emotional state known as “drop”In kink circles.

“BDSM play is inherently risky, whether physically or emotionally,” sex educator Kenneth PlayCreator of the “Sex Hacker Pro” seriesHuffPost, by. “It involves a higher level of vulnerability and trust than normal sex.”

“Taking care of someone after this is an act of protection and care, helping them ease back into normal consciousness,” he said.

Even folks who engage in regular ol’ vanilla sex can benefit from the soothing, grounding feelings of tenderness and affection that aftercare provides. (And if you’re already in the habit of doing this, then props to you!)

“Aftercare is definitely not just for BDSM scenes or sex,” Play said. “It’s also something that should be done in casual sex, in my opinion.”

Intimacy, vulnerability and taking a step back are the keys to good sex. And it’s not unusual for people to feel a little down, anxious or otherwise “off” after it’s over.

“Post-sex, people are often flooded with intense emotions and neurochemicals like oxytocin,” Play said. “Showing someone love during this time ensures that they feel safe to get vulnerable with you — or someone else — again, and protects their heart. If you want to bond with someone, this is the time to do it.”

It's important to discuss your aftercare preferences with your partner <em>before</em> sex happens.
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Your partner should discuss your preferred aftercare options with you. BeforeSex is real.

Aftercare isn’t just for people in committed relationships (or those who wish to be). Even if you’re in a friends-with-benefits situationOr having one one-night standThese principles can be applied to your life.

“While it may seem odd to engage in aftercare with someone you’re not seriously dating, it’s still important,” sexologist Gigi Engle wrote in 2019 for MindBodyGreen. “It’s not about making someone fall in love with you or trying to make a more serious relationship out of something casual. It’s about making sure everyone is cared for with respect and tenderness so that they can leave a sexual experience feeling good about themselves.”

“Thoughtful aftercare Q&A, cuddling or taking a walk together afterward can help to create a deeper connection.”

Hudsy, an ex-professional dominatrix

Hudsy BrookeRetired professional dominatrix who has become a lifestyle coach said that followingcare can help make sexual encounters more enjoyable and connected.

“Thoughtful aftercare Q&A, cuddling or taking a walk together afterward can help to create a deeper connection,” she said. “Nonverbal actions such as bringing your lover a glass of water, running a bath, or even rubbing one another’s feet can inspire more open aftercare discussions.”

These comforting rituals can also be used to relieve any shame or guilt that might arise from sex. A sexual experience that ends too abruptly can exacerbate these negative feelings and leave some people feeling “used.”

“Women, in particular, have been socialized to feel that [sex for] sexual gratification only is a shameful act,” Gail SaltzAssociate professor of psychiatry in the New York Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell School of Medicine told MindBodyGreen. “It is, of course, not, but nonetheless, being cared for in some way afterward often mitigates those feelings of shame.”

The best time to ask your partner about their aftercare preferences — and to share your own — is BeforeBrooke suggested that we get to the point. If you’re a little apprehensive about being so upfront about your needs, know that it’s normal to feel that way. It’s worth having honest discussions ahead of time.

“It’s difficult to guess correctly or read minds, especially when we are in the heat of the moment,” Brooke said. “At the end of an encounter, we are usually left to our own thoughts and interpretations of what went down. When we have some information going in on how to return safely back to normal, everyone wins.”

Source: HuffPost.com.

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