You can find out more about the… have a babyMany people will be lining up for you to hear about their endless feeds, diaper-rashes, or whatever else they can think of. sleepless nightsThese conversations are ahead. However, the discussions about what sex is like post-babyThese are rare and few.
Intercourse should be avoided for six weeks following birth, according to many health professionals. This allows the body to heal. regardless of delivery method. The doctor will conduct an examination at your postpartum visit around this time. and determine whether you’re cleared to resume sex and exercise.
Although you may have had a simple birth, it takes some time for your body to adapt. Mama Gracie X, an author who asked that we use her pen name, told HuffPost she was surprised by how “beat up” her body was after giving birth.
“It took me six weeks to feel ‘normal’ in terms of my girly parts — and I had a vaginal quick delivery!” she said. “Also, I felt like I was in a hormonal altered state, almost like I had a new and completely different body, swollen breasts, no sex drive and was hyperemotional.”
Many who get the green light to have sex at their postpartum appointment aren’t anywhere near ready to do so. According to one study, a majority of women who get the green light for sex at their postpartum appointment aren’t ready. 2019 survey from MotherlyIt took 38% to 12 months for mothers to get interested in sex. On the other side, 11% said that they are interested in becoming busy. sooner than the six-week mark — which just goes to show you that the time it takes to feel ready again can vary quite a bit.)
Even if you aren’t the birthing partner — or if neither of you gave birth — sex post-baby can be a lot to contend with. You’re probably sleep-deprived, devoting what little energy you have to caring for a tiny human, and perhaps learning how to navigate your partner’s new body and fluctuating hormones.
For a better understanding of sex after babies, we asked mother to reveal some surprising facts about their experience.
For clarity and length, we have lightly edited the responses.
1. The natural oil of lubrication could be severely lacking.
“Sex after baby felt a little uncomfortable. Once my doctor cleared me for sexual activity, I wasn’t afraid to jump back into doing it. However, I felt physically different after it. It wasn’t bad nor painful — it was just different. Over the years, I began to notice some differences. Take, for example. it was drier down there. It took a little more bells and whistles — aka foreplay — for any kind of natural lubrication to develop.” — Chelsie Washington is the host of The “Weird Mom” podcast
2. It’s not unusual for sex to be painful, at least at first. It gets easier with time.
“It hurts! As much as I thought I was prepared, I wasn’t. After having a vaginal birth back to back — my children are almost 12 months apart — things just weren’t the same down there. Some positions that were once comfortable or enjoyable turned out to be painful. Both my husband and I needed to become more patient. On the bright side, it does get much, much better.” — Tonya Gooch Mann, @thepostpartumeffectInstagram
3. Just because you had a C-section doesn’t mean you can jump back in the sack quickly — or that you’ll want to.
“Most people know that you can’t do heavy lifting or work out as a C-section mama. To allow your stomach to heal, you’ll need to be ready for sex within six to eight weeks. I had very little desire for sex. While I was recovering from major surgery, my body was also taking care of a baby. All of these things made sex all the more difficult. I was just exhausted all the time.” — Melissa Campos, @mommothermamaInstagram
4. Your new best friend will be your sex toys
“My wife had two rough pregnancies and halfway through the first one we lost our daughter. My wife was just four months old when she became pregnant with her second child. We decided to offer our house to foster the hope of adopting. It was quicker than we anticipated that we received the call about a baby girl who needed a place to stay and were soon parents to our daughter. Five months later, our son was born. It was basically as if we’d had twins, with the babies being within six months of each other.
Survival mode was our default setting and sex was all we wanted. Thanks to vibrators, however! We had a standing automatic order on Amazon for batteries, and whenever my wife needed an orgasm, I’d run to the nightstand and break out that hardware.” — Nic R. @lezzimomof2Twitter, co-host of The “Redefining the Rainbow” podcast
5. Breastfeeding can make you feel ‘touched out.’
“I felt 100% unsexy for way more than six weeks after giving birth. I attribute this to the physical effects breastfeeding had on my body. It was like I felt like a cow, and I didn’t want anyone touching my body. Thank goodness for a supportive and caring partner. He never made me feel uncomfortable and didn’t pressure me into anything. Through good communication, we found new ways to be intimate.” — Gina McMillen, illustrator at @ginsasdrawingclub
“I literally felt like a cow and the last thing I wanted was someone else touching my body.”
6. If you have sex while nursing, you’ll probably leak milk.
“When you’re sexually stimulated, your milk will let down. This can be dripping to full-on hydrant stream to your partner’s face. You’ve got to get used to even more fluids than you were before.” — Katie Brunelle, @katiezoebFollow us on Twitter or cThe o-host “Redefining the Rainbow” podcast
7. Boob playing might have to be put on hold for a while.
“It was crazy how much I missed her boobs. While she was breastfeeding, the boobs were off limits and I didn’t realize how much I’d actually miss them.” — Nic R.
8. You may find that sex is more fun when you share this bonding experience together.
“I was expecting sex after baby to be really blah. My husband and I have been through so much together that lovemaking has become more intense and deliberate. We have to think outside the box about where our baby sex. It feels naughty and fun to have sex in different places in our house that we normally wouldn’t! Also, certain positions felt better after a vaginal delivery. That’s something I definitely didn’t expect after a baby.” — Lina ForrestalBlogger on motherhood and hostess “The New Mamas Podcast”
“After having been through something so intense with my husband, lovemaking feels more passionate and intentional.”
9. When you’re short on downtime, you learn to embrace the quickie.
“I typically like to be wined and dined to get in the mood. Romantic play is what I love, as well as anything that can lead to sex. However, it was difficult to predict the timing of a newborn. If I waited around for the perfect moment to get in the mood, then it might never happen at all.” — McMillen
10. Don’t beat yourself up over a dry spell. This is only temporary.
“You get to say ‘no’ to sex. We love our partners and we want everyone happy and fulfilled, but if your body is still in recovery (from pushing an entire human out of it) or you’re tired, or your drive is just hard to muster, let sex slide for a little bit. The things will improve and become more normal. In the meantime, normalize solo sex in your relationship.” — Brunelle