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Just walked in on my three year old pumping all of our hand soap into the bathroom sink, chanting “wasting soap… wasting soap…” to himself
— fgx (@nullstateofmind) November 9, 2021
My thirteen-year old son has blocked me on Instagram. One person that literally I made.
— Rebecca Saltzman (@beccasaltz) November 8, 2021
My toddler, who was not previously accustomed to being awake after dark, just looked outside and screamed “where is the backyard?!”
— Mel (@Tweetsnwhatnot) November 10, 2021
After 72 attempts, my 4-year-old let ME select his bedtime story.
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) November 11, 2021
I’m a Brooklyn parent. My phone died on the way home so to keep my kid preoccupied on the subway platform I said, “Let’s just look for rats.”
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 8, 2021
nothing prepares you for when your sweet sensitive gentle eight year old son calls you “bruh” for the first time
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 9, 2021
“He’s upset because a girl in his class is telling people they are friends when they’re not.”, me explaining Billie Jean to my daughter
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) November 10, 2021
Y’all make fun of dads for keeping instruction booklets but guess who is about to flawlessly set the clock back one hour on an 18 year old microwave?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 7, 2021
My daughter stayed home for virtual school and took 2020-21 courses online. She was aware of all the health warnings about masking and paid attention to them. The school photo company suggested she remove her mask to take her picture. 😂 pic.twitter.com/nzkzbraFzG
— Shayla Bradley (@shaylariane) November 9, 2021
I’m reminded of the time that my child woke up in 4 AM by getting on his bed with a cape and screaming “Come on Mama, we need to save the day!”
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) November 7, 2021
“I’m doing it anyway”
⁃ A toddler’s memoir
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) November 11, 2021
Me: You don’t need school to wear pants.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) November 11, 2021
me: [sees 6 wake up headed to the bathroom] good morning bud
6: Stop it
Me: I just wanted to say good morning…
6: i don’t want it!! [cries on the toilet]
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 11, 2021
Sorry, but I didn’t mean to say I was happy to send my children to school again. I did this so I could be quiet and not so I could help my 7 year old write an essay on Black widow spiders.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 11, 2021
My 5yo might be watching too many dinosaur shows…He keeps calling my vegetarian in-laws herbivores
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 11, 2021
27 years ago I snot-bubble cried during Mufasa’s death scene and I am now while watching it with my 8 year old AND THAT CYBORG DIDN’T SHED ONE DAMN TEAR!!!
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) November 11, 2021
Me: I‘ll call Santa, right now and tell him…
8YO: Well I’ll call the PTA to volunteer you …
Your win is mine
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 8, 2021
The act of becoming a parent is a great way to see how bad you can draw.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 10, 2021
My 5 y/o was working on a science question that asked if animals are like plants & make their own food. He said yes, which was wrong, but his explanation was humans are animals & we make cake. Your move, science.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 8, 2021
My teen isn’t feeling well and WebMD says imminent death but Google classroom says imminent math test.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 12, 2021
Discover which flavor your child hates and how to teach them to love it. You will thank me for this later you’re welcome
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) November 11, 2021